I’m so Green I Eat My Own Placenta

People always ask me why I spend so much time ragging on celebrity moms. I can’t help it. They just provide SO much ridiculous material. If you have a weak stomach, you may want avoid reading this post.

So, if you haven’t heard the story, January Jones has admitted quite proudly that she eats her placenta. Apparently, you can dry it, put it into a pill, and take it just like any other supplement. Who knew? She claims doing so has provided her with lots of energy for taking care of her newborn as well as tons of great vitamins. Her primary reasoning for doing so?

“We are the only mammals who don’t ingest their own placenta.” Yep. That’s what she said.

I must point out a few things, though. First, not all mammals eat their own placenta. This statement isn’t really true. Lots of mammals do, but not all. Second, many mammals do eat their own placenta. However, the primary reason for doing so is to protect themselves and their newborn from predators. As we all know there’s lots of blood when you give birth, especially once the placenta is delivered and other mammals eat it to destroy the evidence. It’s a safety measure. Pretty sure Jones was not in any danger at the time she gave birth or now.

If this is her primary reason for doing so I can’t help but wonder why she doesn’t engage in the other types of behavior that “all mammals” do with their babies. Here are some of the other perfectly natural behaviors that mammals who eat their own placenta do.

1. They lick their newborns clean. With their tongues.
2. They eat their young if their young are not perfectly healthy.
3. They eat their own poop.

Pretty sure Jones won’t be doing any of the above so why the need to do this?

Here’s the thing: everyone in Los Angeles is obsessed with going green. There is a very strange competition that exists among the natives. The competition is called, “Who can be the most environmentally conscious, eat the most organic food, be as free as environmental toxins as possible, and engage in the most alternative health practices?” The war is on and Jones is trying to win.

She’s saying, “I’m so green, I eat my own placenta.” She wants the trophy. It’s certainly looking like she’s gonna take first place.